theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
