had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
