How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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