You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
