evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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