So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
