Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
