:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
