She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
