I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
