glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
