Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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