True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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