Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
