singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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