Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
