I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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