Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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