Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
