Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
someone owes me an orgasm
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
