Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
