Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
