Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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