Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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