You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
