Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
