i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
