He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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