Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
