if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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