and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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