so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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