I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
