dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
