I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
