I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
