it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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