Kiss
Puke
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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