Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
