hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
