My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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