cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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