i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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