call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
