i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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