is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
