If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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