but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
