i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize