theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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