You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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