I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
