tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
