I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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