she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
