clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
