she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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