She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
