he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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