Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
