He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can I color on your dick again?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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