I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
