dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
