i think my tv is drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
