Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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