Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
